Snake Oil

My patented and perfect cure
Is worth it's weight in gold
Composed of extracts much more pure
Than ever have been sold.

The larva from a tse-tse fly
In tincture with exotic salt
Applied just right to tired eye
Will heal a ghastly fault. 

Pure essence of a tiger's blood 
To strengthen timid hearts 
And extract of a cobra's bile 
Rebuild your weaker parts.

Fix your ills in just one dose 
Or ten, or maybe more 
A dose a day for just six weeks 
Will heal an ulcered sore. 

Taken for six hundred days 
While drifting out at sea 
Will Harmonize your Feng and Shui 
And balance inner Chi 

It's mixed and formed and shaped just so 
Near crystal power packs 
With charging magnets down below 
On active ion stacks. 

Our hydro-hyperpathic bath
Distils the precious dew
While eastern shamans watch the pot
That holds our magic brew.

But give no heed to chemists claims
There's nothing in the mix
My product is much too refined
For clumsy science tricks. 

Doctor's too may call it fake
Say claims are way off track 
But then they'll say 'bout anything
To keep you coming back