Plans tend to be a fairly regular topic on this blog. They have been a major part of my life. However, I am once again left to wonder why I bother.
Previously, I wrote about an opportunity I had to apply to be the EE department head at the Air Force Academy, and how that would interfere with the plans I had made to go back to the life I had left behind in Texas. That opportunity didn’t pan out, and I was grateful for that. I interpreted it a reason to hope that my original plans would work out. I hoped that this surprise “opportunity” to deviate from my plans would be the last. I was wrong. I was wrong in a big way.
When I left the house on my way back to Albuquerque after spending two exhausting weeks fixing it after severe weather came through and damaged it, I had a crushing impression that I would never live there again. I was devastated — physically after the work, and emotionally after the loss. I hoped that impression was the work of a disturbed mind, and that it would pass and that we would be able to return as planned. That was over three years ago.
A few weeks ago, Liz and I made an unexpected decision. We decided to sell the house in Texas and return to Utah. In many ways, this makes no sense. I have a firm job offer there. I have a house there. I have friends there. Why would I leave it all behind. The reasons are varied, and difficult to articulate. It’s enough to say that we aren’t going back. My plans, yet again, have been overcome by events, and I’m staring at uncertainty.
To be fair, I’ll find work. I’ll find a house. I’ll find new friends. We’ve done this many times before (except for finding work), and I know we can do it, but I’m so tired of starting over. Why is it that the best way for me to make sure something doesn’t happen is to plan on it happening. Perhaps I should plan on a major financial collapse and civil war… maybe that way we’ll be prosperous and safe for the indeterminate future.
Update: the house is sold, and (even stranger) it looks like we will actually be going back to Texas – at least for a few months. After that, who knows… We plan on settling down in Utah, but how we get from here to there is unclear at the moment.